


Why the King Beats the Pawn

by BoldlyGaying, lettersforsale



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst, Dom Erik, Dom/sub, Domestic Discipline, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spanking, Sub Charles, Subdrop, Subspace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-07 18:37:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4273788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoldlyGaying/pseuds/BoldlyGaying, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lettersforsale/pseuds/lettersforsale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an abusive relationship with Shaw, Charles is broken. Bonding with a top? No, thank you very much. He didn’t need a bloody back and unhealing wounds again.<br/>Unfortunately Charles needs new teachers to keep Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters running and encounters Erik – a top.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Encounters

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is available in [German](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4482185/chapters/10189460).

„Erik Lehnsherr?“, Charles tongue stumbled over the strange foreign name.  
When he looked up from the list of applicants, he caught sight of a man his age with blond hair and eyes of steel, that gazed at Charles intently.  
  
“Please sit down.”  
  
Charles gave him a brief smile before he glanced at the application again. Lehnsherr was a top, that went without question.  
His attitude, the sharp look, he radiated sternness and strength; to recognize that, Charles didn’t need any papers.  
  
But what held much more interest to him was the information about his mutation.  
  
Since Charles had reopened ‘Xavier's School for gifted youngsters', he clearly lacked teachers and appropriate staff to teach the still inexperienced mutants.  
Raven and he managed everything as good as possible but they couldn’t be everywhere and the education of their students was just another part of their already busy lives.  
  
Charles knew that Raven longed for a top and occasionally he needed some time in their local  _Mediation - and Assistance Center_  himself, even though he rarely enjoyed his time there.  
  
The MA Center was a place where you could be matched with a fitting dom or sub so that both sides could give into their desires for dominance and obedience, without being further bound to their session partners.  
It was basically a dating service for all the singles in town.  
  
Everything together with Hanks research, in which Charles took part, guaranteed a filled schedule and long days. Perhaps this could change in the future.  
  
“You are able to manipulate iron and objects made of it?”, he asked Lehnsherr, who had silently stared at Charles.  
Granted; he was curious about this type of mutation.  
  
Lehnsherr smiled confidently. “How about a little demonstration?”  
Seconds later Charles paperweight lifted into the air, hovering a few centimetres above his desk and shortly after, the metal seemed to transform.  
The horrid square, which belonged into the modern scene of art, according to Raven, turned into a beautiful detailed swan, that gently landed on the wood.  
Fascinated, Charles eyed his paperweight, which slowly took on his old form.  
He rarely encountered anyone with such wide-ranging capabilities and was well aware that this demonstration could not have been as easy as it appeared to him.  
“That was remarkable.”  
  
Lehnsherr modestly bowed his head. “I am very sure that you also have an amazing talent.”  
It took Charles a few moments to fully register the sentence. Was Lehnsherr flirting with him?  
The very thought made Charles feel uncomfortable.  
  
He hadn’t been very lucky with the choice of his former tops and was accordingly wary of people trying to dominate him.   
  
Lehnsherr didn’t exactly got brownie points for this.  
  
“Do you think you could manage dealing with kids and teenagers?”, Charles wanted to know with an unusual hardness in his voice. “And not just for some hours. You have to remember that this is a boarding school and you have to be approachable all around the clock.”  
  
Lehnsherrs smile faded.  
  
_Good_ , thought Charles and was surprised at how satisfied he felt.  
  
“Of course I am informed about the particularity of this school”, answered Lehnsherr and assumed a more severe expression. It seemed that he really wanted this position. “When I was younger I always hoped for such a place of shelter and now I could help to create one like it. I would be more than willing to use my time and motivation for it.” Now he smiled again.  
  
Charles had the impression that he was seated across the bestseller model of a top – attractive, trustful and honest.  
  
Likewise Lehnsherr would probably be a fantastic teacher, he noted soberly and hated himself for it.  
Tops like him didn’t get along with subs like Charles and he doubted that Lehnsherr would respect him as headmaster of the school, if he actually offered him a job.  
  
_Don’t be ridiculous_ , a voice in Charles’ head whispered.  _Of course he wouldn’t. He’d have you on your knees before you could count to three and what would happen after you know all too well._  
  
Charles grasped the armrests of his chair tighter. “And what subjects could you imagine teaching?”  
“Ah well, I’m afraid that I don’t have a lot of experience”, admitted Lehnsherr and appeared insecure for the first time. But Charles had already expected a similar response.  
  
There weren’t many teachers who on top of that showed signs of the mutant gene and ordinary people were only Charles second choice.  
  
"I suppose the most obvious would be math or physics. In addition, I would definitely try to teach other material if that was necessary ", assured Lehnsherr hastily.  
  
Of course he would, Charles thought bitterly. Lehnsherr seemed to be the perfect choice. He rose and offered his hand to the Top, who took it and shook it encouraged.  
“We’ll get back to you”, Charles adopted and Lehnsherr showed his almost predatory grin again.  
“Fantastic!”  
It was not.

 

  
“How was he?” Raven nearly vibrated with excitement. She met Lehnsherr briefly on his way outside and now couldn’t contain her enthusiasm.   
Over the course of the last year she had come to terms with her mutation and having built the school up from scratch gave her a lot of new confidence. “Charles, this guy is stunning!”  
  
Charles rolled his eyes, but it was an affectionate gesture, which was accompanied by a wink.  
  
“Oh please, you can’t hide that he was a god of a top! He must have done well in his interview.”  
Suddenly Charles wasn’t sure anymore if he hadn’t judged Lehnsherr too quickly.  
“I don’t quite know …”  
  
Raven laughed in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?“ The words seemed to be missing and so she threw up her hands in the air instead. “That guy looks competent and hot. And I’m not sure which is more important, but I just endured twenty minutes of someone lecturing me about Aristotle – no idea if he got that I’m his future employer and not his student.”  
  
Charles grinned. “Well, you don’t look like a professor.”  
  
His sister hit him playfully against the shoulder and Charles hurried to step aside and avoid further attacks.  
  
Raven had received her doctorate in literature a year ago but Charles couldn’t see a real change in her behaviour. Maybe the reason was because they grew up together and Charles couldn’t believe what an energetic young woman the shy girl in his kitchen had become.  
  
“Give the man a chance”, she decided firmly and tried to catch his hip. The motion sent her stumbling onto the carpet while nearly sweeping Hank of his feet, who just entered Charles office.  
  
“Do I interrupt something?”  
  
“No, no”, Raven assured him from her position on the floor. “We only had a meaningful conversation about Aristotle.” She nodded solemnly.  
  
Hank lifted an eyebrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally did it - my first story here!  
> As you probably noticed English is not my first language so if you find any mistakes, please point them out to me and I'll be happy to correct them. :)


	2. Old friends

Charles struggled with himself.

One side of him intended to hire Lehnsherr; after all he was a good choice and the kids would be taught well.

On the other hand Charles didn’t wanted to give Lehnsherr the pleasure of Charles bending to his will and if he were to be honest, he was concerned about the effects that Lehnsherrs dominant character would have on him. Nobody could foresee what kind of top he was and how he would treat Charles as his superior in this school.  
  
Eventually, the decision was taken from him by Raven who convinced him that Lehnsherr would be the best option. And Charles cared about his protégés too much to let such a promising teacher leave, right?

His stomach turned over as he signed the papers. It was absurd - he couldn’t be afraid of a future colleague, no matter how imposing he seemed.

Surely he just reacted this way because he hadn’t been topped for a while, wasn’t it?

Charles made a mental note to make an appointment at the VA Center today. Maybe that would soothe his nerves.

Yes, it had to.

* * *

 

“Moira!”, greeted Charles his friend warmly and the two embraced.

They had met for the first time when they had still been at university; Charles graduated with a degree in biology, Moira in psychology.

Afterwards they had remained in contact and, now that Moira had moved into the next big city to intensify her studies in human bonding habits, occasionally met.

Charles appreciated her honesty and the ability to truly having empathy with him even if she wasn’t a sub or a mutant.

Since she was a top and unbound it wasn’t unusual that they agreed to take care of each other needs – in a purely platonic way of course. 

Charles trusted her and she was one of the few tops in whose presence he didn’t had to be constantly mindful. If he allowed her authority he was quite capable of relaxing.

“Ready?”, she asked.

Her open but determined expression differed only slightly from Lehnsherrs in his interview and Charles tried to unsuccessfully shake off any thought of the other man.  
Why did he even care so much? Charles body seemed to betray him, like it wanted to make sure that he would never submit to any other top than Lehnsherr. 

But now he was with his longtime friend who had never abused his trust.

Moira was different and the Center a safe place.   
In the next few hours he would obey only her and could stop worrying about everything else.

Charles took a deep breath, Moira shouldn’t sense his unjustified nervousness.  
“Ready.” 

 

“Undress yourself.”

Like always this was Moiras first command to him and Charles hurried to obey it.

They were in one of the Center's facilities that reminded vaguely of a hotel room: A large bed with crisp white sheets stood with the headboard against peach-colored walls, opposite of an inviting sofa.

Next to it were two simple chairs made out of light wood. Furthermore there was a kind of shelf in which different whips, paddles and other instruments were kept.

So far, Charles hadn’t tried many of them and also didn’t planned to.

Especially the heavy and painful instruments like the cane frightened him and even if he already experienced them first hand it hadn’t been a sensation Charles was keen to repeat.

While he shrugged out off his jackett and shirt, Moira went to take a seat on the sofa.

Charles began to unbutton his pants and couldn’t help but imagine Lehnsherrs fingers instead of his own doing it. Horrified, he winced as he realized it.

What was going on with him?

That was a completely abnormal reaction!

Charles movements were erratic as he slipped off his shoes and finally walked over to Moira in underwear. Even though they were friends, complete nudity had always been an unspoken taboo between them.

Unsettled, Charles let himself fall down on the sofa next to her. Lehnsherrs steel-grey eyes flashed in his mind. His skin suddenly felt too hot and his fingertips tingled.

“Charles?” Moira looked worried. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh? Yes, everything’s okay.” He tried a self-assured smile but obviously failed since Moira didn’t seemed convinced.

Her next sentence was more a gentle accusation than a question. 

“You know, I see that there is something wrong.”

And she was right indeed. But Charles couldn’t tell her about Lehnsherr, couldn’t possibly explain that he felt an irritating tension since his interview with him, let alone talk about the frustration that he couldn’t even handle speaking with a top who just wanted a job! 

“I’m fine, really.”

Moira regarded him doubtfully but she seemed to realize that her questions would most likely remain unanswered.  
She knew Charles for years and he had always been remarkably stubborn when it came to the disclosure of certain information.

A bit more cheerful she looked at him, her jokingly sparkling eyes softening the following words.

“Do I have to spank you first until we have a conversation that’s not you lying to me about your well-being?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, a new chapter! As always, reviews and kudos are appreciated and if you find mistakes, please let me know. :)  
> Hope you liked it!


	3. Cross your heart

Charles glanced under long lashes up at her.

He knew that this wouldn’t be a punishment and therefore took her offer, albeit hesitantly, into consideration. Pain, yes, but not unbearable. A welcome distraction from his confused thoughts.

Ruefully he thought of the first and only time that Moira had really deemed it necessary to discipline him. 

It had happened during their time at university and Charles had been so immersed in his studies that he forgot everything else.

Food, sleep, his needs for dominance. All this had become unimportant, moved up to second place.  
His books had been like a drug, the lectures of the professors about genetics like his personal catharsis.

Finally, it had been possible for him to understand,  _to really know what he was._

Charles remembered the sleepless nights, in which he had collapsed over heavy books and his yearning for answers that had dragged on his soul like an anchor.

Two months Moira had allowed him to isolate himself, then she had intervened.

 

_ “Charles.” A voice clear like glass and ruthless like stone. “Charles!”  
_

_ He … he should obey, should …  
_

_ With trembling fingers he turned  the next page, absorbing the written words. _

_ How long was she already here? What did she want? _

_ His thoughts hadn’t been quite clear for some weeks, resembled more a ceaseless, thrilling stream of facts and information. _

_He hadn’t heard her coming, hadn’t … had not – his senses seemed overstimulated, what had happened? He was a telepath, damn it! He should be able to control himself even if an fuming top was starring at him._

_Before Charles could react, strong fingers pulled the book out from under his hands and closed it loudly. Charles leaped up._

_His fingertips still trembled slightly and he frantically searched for words, arguments he could use against Moiras evident rage._

_“Sit.”_

_Strict. Almost cold. That was the way this order had been uttered. Never had Charles seen his friend so furios. He needed to obey, even though his whole body fought against it. He had to – No! No top would ever get that close to him again._

_He was not going to get used again._

_‘You are friends’, a tiny, anxious voice in his head whispered. ‘She won’t hurt you.’ Charles ignored it. The last months had drained on his strength and his mind was dazed._

_Breathing heavily he faced Moira, resting his hands on his desk, so he wouldn’t sink immediately to his knees. He had other things to do that were way more important than a conversation between them._

_“Get out”, he almost growled but it didn’t sounded as threatening as he intended to._

_In the split of a second Moira was near him, forcing Charles’ chest on his desk and held his arms on his back._

_Charles blinked shocked._

_He could feel the coolness of the wood through his shirt and Moiras powerful  aura behind him._

_Slowly he realized what he just did._  
_Disobeyed the direct commands of a top._  
_Rebelled against him._

_Charles stomach churned and suddenly he saw everything perfectly clear again._

_His mind had calmed down and he took in the silence of the room. Oh God. Oh God, what had he done?_

_“Moira”, he whispered sorrowfully._

_Consequences, there would be consequences. No top would let behaviour like this go unpunished. But what would she do? “Moira, please.”He promised himself a long time ago never to beg again._

_The pressure on his back disappeared and Charles considered standing up. Would she beat him if he did? Of course she would; it was better not to provoke her even more._

_He risked a wary glance over his shoulder._  
_Moiras face was no longer angry, instead deep disappointment had taken it’s place. And that hurt Charles more than every angry glance could._

_As a sub he longed for words of praise - anger and annoyance let him feel like he didn’t met the expectations, like he hadn’t fulfilled his duties and couldn’t serve his master sufficiently._

_Charles could barely bear his guilt and thus stayed bent over the table, burying his head in his hands upset. _

_Why was he such a failure? Even Moira, calm and beautiful Moira, must hate him now._  
_Charles forbid himself to read her thoughts to get at least on idea about the upcoming punishment. Certainly Moira wouldn’t approve violating her privacy like that._

_Endless quiet minutes passed. Charles felt like he was burning internally and there was an awful lump in his throat._

_Finally Moira touched his shoulder. “Stand up.”_

_When he gave into the instruction after a few moments, Charles felt incredibly weak._  
_The aftermath of such a long time without being topped._

_“Come here.” Moira held out her arms and Charles stumbled clumsy and rigid into them. Would it happen now? Would she soon push him away to even worsen the following tortures through this small part of comfort?_

_“Oh, Charles.” Her voice sounded hoarse.  Tightly she wrapped her arms around him and softly stroked his hair. Charles needed a few seconds until he numbly recognised that he was crying._

_Tears dripped onto Moiras blouse and ashamed he wanted to turn away, but she still hold him firmly in her arms._

_“That was bad”, she told him, barely audible. Charles nodded vigorously. Inside of him a storm was raging that only his total submission could soothe._

_“Do you need discipline?” Quiet words in his ear._

_Hot fire mixed into Charles feelings._

_God, she sounded so sincere. And he knew that was what he needed, a release of his mind, so he nodded desperately, with tears blurring his vision._

_“Please.” He wasn’t entirely sure if he begged for or against a punishment._

_“Alright.” A single word and Moira pulled away. If she hadn’t still clasped his shoulder, Charles probably would have fallen._

_Somehow she managed to manoeuvre both of them to the old leather sofa in one corner of the room and Charles ended up over her knees, Moiras right hand on his ass._

_"I'm so sorry," he mumbled, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him again._

_“I know, but it will get better.”_

_And Charles acknowledged surprised that it was actually sympathy that she felt. Unbelievable._

_Shortly after, her palm hit his ass and he cried out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of Moira and Charles coming in the next chapter! :)


	4. Cross your heart II

_After the inevitably spanking there was silence between them._   
  
_Charles laid panting and with a burning ass over her knee but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. Somehow, this position soothed him._   
  
_Knowing that he only had to serve Moira and not having anything other to pay attention to gave him security and made him feel safe. His eyes burned._   
_Being topped had never been like that._   
  
_Shaw had always been … rough. As soon as he had punished Charles enough for his liking, he had pushed him from his knees so that he fell hard on the floor in Shaws apartment._   
_When Charles had still been in a relationship with him, he’d been the opinion that he needed exactly that: strictness and a harsh lead._   
  
_After all he wasn’t a sub who shut up every time he was told to and quietly kneeled when he wasn’t addressed._   
_In a way he had wanted to challenge Shaw to see if he was worthy of Charles submission, if he’d have him under control if Charles got all worked up in his mind again and couldn’t find a way out._   
_Whether he was worthy to be Charles top._   
  
_Shaw was sixteen years older than him and had initially seemed attractive and charming to him. But over the years his methods had gotten more brutal and Charles hadn’t been quite certain if this was his fault._   
  
_Surely his behaviour was the reason that Shaw had sometimes tied him up twice a day and whipped him mercilessly until Charles screamed himself raw._   
  
_Surely he had done something wrong. Because as Shaw assured him, he “loved Charles” and would never do something he didn’t deserve. So it had to be Charles talking too much about his passion about biology or Charles not cleaning every inch of the apartment or Charles not wanting to sleep in a bed with his top; there had been so much -_   
  
  
  
_“Hey.” Moiras hand brushed over his neck and massaged him gently. “How are you feeling now?”, she asked. There was still a firm authority in her voice but she sounded softer than before._   
  
_Charles swallowed the lump in his throat._   
  
_The memories of Shaw had affected him in a manner that he hadn’t thought was possible any more._   
  
_“I’m fine”, he responded hoarsely. Her other hand was rubbing his bottom gently to ease his soreness._   
  
_“You seem distracted.” Did she expected an answer? Should he say something?_   
  
_"You know, it's okay," she began, and Charles didn’t quite knew where she headed with that conversation._   
  
_Quietly, she continued: "He’s no longer here, Charles. He is no longer your top."_   
  
_His muscles stiffened and Charles unintentionally held his breath._   
  
_Did – did he told her about this, just right now in the almost trance-like state during his spanking?_   
  
_Dear God no! Moira would think of him as being weak, incredibly weak for not having served his master adequately._   
  
_He didn’t wanted to acknowledge it; that could not have happened! But how else would she know about it?_   
  
_“Breathe, Charles.” A new order. Distraught Charles did what she commanded._   
  
_Why was she still here? Why had she just spanked him instead of doing something worse and more painful?_   
_His thoughts of Shaw had clearly proven that he was a nightmare of a sub and deserved much more than a few slaps on his bottom._   
  
_"He is no longer here," repeated Moira her words like a manifesto. _   
  
_“How do you know about it?”, Charles wanted to know tormented. For a short while she stayed silent and he thought that the moment had come in which she would yell at him._   
  
_"You … showed me. When ... when I spanked you, you were pretty upset and when I touched you, there were all these memories. " Moiras voice sounded lost. “I wanted to stop, but you asked me to continue so I thought it would help you to somehow find relief."_   
  
_She gently turned his head to the side so he could see her and looked him firmly in the eyes. "I am so sorry."_   
  
_Charles mind lost itself in a stream of pity and Moiras deeply affected emotions. He hadn’t even known that he had the ability to reveal information to other people like this. Suddenly his telepathy felt like a curse._   
  
_“He was an asshole of a top”, noted Moira bitterly. “No one should treat a sub this way._   
  
_‘But he did’, the doubtful voice in Charles head came back. ‘And there must have been a reason.’_   
  
_Shuddering he closed his eyes and wished for a place far away from Shaw, from Moira, from any top top in the world. The hand on his neck still massaged him with long, warm fingers._   
  
_“May I get up?”, Charles tired and exhausted wanted to know. He felt like he didn’t deserved her kindness._   
  
_"Yes, of course." Moira helped him to sit beside her on the sofa, where he locked his gaze on the floor of dark wood._   
  
_This day had taken the worst possible turn that it could have._   
  
_The top beside him put her arms around Charles and pulled him close, so he came to rest with his head on her shoulder. He didn’t understand her intentions. Was this also a punishment for his disobedience and that he had lived the last few months like a caveman?_   
  
_If so, then it wasn’t a very good one because except for the burning in his ass and the current, passionate self-hatred Charles felt no pain._   
_Maybe she wanted that he made a suggestion himself?_   
  
_“Um, in the drawer of the desk is a ruler”, he remarked flatly. “Or … your belt?”_   
  
_Moira furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him in disbelief. That wasn’t good._   
  
_Hastily Charles tried to appease her, but she cut him off._   
  
_"You could - "_   
  
_“I won’t hurt you even more!” Now it was his turn to look confused. “But –“_   
  
_She leaned him briefly forward and gave him a hard slap on his ass. Charles hissed anxiously._   
  
_If she didn’t intended to hurt him then which purpose had this spanking served?_   
  
_"This was not a punishment, Charles. You haven’t been topped for weeks! Do you realize that you could have gotten seriously sick?”_   
  
_Of course he had known that. But since Shaw, he simply couldn’t trust a dom anymore and thus delayed his visits to the Center more and more._   
  
_"I'm your friend and I care about you! It can’t go on like this.”_   
  
_Charles looked up at her with wide eyes. Did she really planned what he thought she would?_   
_“You claim me?” His voice sounded almost desperate and Charles winced at the tone._   
  
_"What? No! "She lifted his chin with two of her fingers. “I won’t. But if you need help, and I mean it Charles, because if you don’t come to me before you drop, this spanking was barely a bunch of love taps.” She fixed him with a stern gaze. “If you need any help, I’m here for you. And I will always come, no matter what. Who’s going to save the world later if not you?”, she wanted to know with a small smile._   
  
_"There are other mutants."_   
  
_"No one like you."_   
  
_Charles lowered his eyes and stared at the floor again. Cautiously he stretched his mind after Moiras, searched for clues that would prove her promise wrong._   
_But there were none. She was serious - it ... it was overwhelming to have insight into thoughts that involved him. Positively involved him! Didn’t considered him inferior._   
  
_He gingerly leaned against her shoulder and closed his eyes. It was worth a try._   
  
_“Thank you”, he whispered and felt a deep relief._   
  
_They sat like this for a long time, listening to the rain that drummed steadily against the windows._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand there's a new chapter! I'm not sure if I be able to update next week since I'm taking a road trip through pretty much all Germany, but I'll definitely try my best.   
> Also thank you SO much for the kudos and your kind comments, they make me incredibly happy. :)


	5. Cerebro

When Charles returned to the school, he felt much more composed.

The session with Moira had helped him to ignore the agonizing thoughts of Lehnsherr and now he was able to fully concentrate on his work again.

After he had showered quickly and changed clothes, he made his way for Hanks lab.

They were working  for some time now on the prototype of a machine, which should help to locate other mutants and find a safe environment for them, where they wouldn’t be discriminated.

At the moment, the school itself served as one of these places but Charles was hoping that it wouldn’t remain the only one.

 

"Hey, Hank," he greeted the other sub as he stepped through the door to the lab.

“Charles!”, it came from a few meters above him and Hank let himself fall light footed to the ground.

The lab consisted mostly of a huge hall with high walls, that were covered in diagrams, blueprints and various stickie notes with formulas, with writing in different stages of fading.

It appeared that Hank had been working on an entirely new invention that hung on ropes from the ceiling and slightly reminded of the model of a futuristic spaceship – and it hadn’t even been a week since Charles had last entered the lab.

Charles nodded to the construction above him. "New project?"

“Hm? Oh yes, this should actually become some new kind of jet … of course with economized consumption and improved engines.”

Chuckling Charles viewed the model. It was somehow hard to believe that the young engineer had time for things like these, given all the other tasks he was working on.

But he guessed that this only proved how intelligent and competent Hank truly was.

“How are things going with Utak?”

“Fantastic! I realigned the sensors so that they should take up your brainwaves better now. Just ... "

“Yes?” Concerned Charles looked at Hank.

Was there a problem that delayed the realization of the project? Both of them knew how important this invention could be for the world of the mutants; many of them still faced acts of violence and were being hunted down for abilities they had no control of.

Hank cocked his head to the side and grinned. “The name. I mean, we’re not even from the Philippines, why did we choose a name in Tagalog?"

Relieved Charles exhaled and countered: "It's a very wonderful language with beautiful sayings. Or would you prefer Spanish? Or hm, let's say, Icelandic? "

“Hebrew”, kept Hank up.

“Ancient Greek.”

“German.”

Charles gut seemed to turn inside of him. _Lehnsherr_.

“Well, Cerebro doesn’t sound bad indeed”, he replied through gritted teeth and grabbed one of the files on a near desk to distract himself.

Hank nodded in agreement. “We’re not Spanish either but yeah, it certainly has a ring to it.”

 

The next couple of hours passed away quickly as Hank and he discussed, philosophized and consulted together about Cerebros future, whether control by Charles telepathy would be possible and which risks it would bear for him.

Eventually they ended up on the floor of the laboratory, surrounded by countless sketches and notifications.

“We need to be careful”, Hank pointed out. “If it doesn’t work the first time, the consequences could be fatal.”

Charles knew how right he was. Just one mistake could inflict serious damage to his brain – and they didn’t know yet the effects on his mutation.

“Does Raven know what we are doing here?”, turned Hank the conversation to a much more complex subject than Charles brain.

Charles still hadn’t told her about their experiments, because he doubted that Raven would be thrilled to learn about all the risks Cerebro accompanied.

A conversation about it would most likely end in her being worried to death and Charles really didn’t want to put her through that.

So he answered Hanks question with a true and hearfelt No. "She’d hate me for playing lab rat and putting myself in danger. And she’ll probably be _incredibly_ angry about my stupid decision to do it despite everything."

“But she’ll eventually find out! Won’t that be worse than you not telling her?”

Charles could sense the nervousness in the other sub, the way his shoulders were slightly hunched and how he played with the hem of his shirt. _Of course_ , he remembered. _Hank liked Raven._

Softly he said: “You create problems where they aren’t even any yet, my friend.”

“Protective measurements”, corrected Hank with a crooked smile and got up. “You want some coffee?”

 

* * *

 

“They did what?” In disbelief Charles stared at his sister. Apparently two of the newly hired teachers had decided to accept another job before the end of the summer.

“Yep. Had better offers and are now working for a company that specializes in the investigation and development of the mutant gene. And ... "Raven hesitated.

“What?”

“You don’t want to hear that. We'd better start looking for other possible teachers."

They should indeed. There were still two weeks before classes began again and if Raven and he organized it as before, with way less staff, neither of them would have any free time for themselves in the coming year.

“What is it, Raven?”

But his sister shook her head. “It’s better if you don’t know, believe me”, she tried to assure him. “I’ve done some research and there are some mutants other than our first options that we could contact about the jobs.”

Charles still looked at her suspiciously. Did she hide something? Usually he didn’t search through the thoughts of other people and Raven was family, so he was reluctant to do it now. Surely, she wouldn’t withheld something important from him.

“Alright, I’ll call them”, he gave in.

 

“Is there … James Howlett?” Squinting Charles looked again at the number that Raven had given him.

Something at the other end of the line cracked and he heard a faint groan.

“Who’s speaking?”, a raspy voice demanded to know. “What do you want?”

“This is Charles Xavier. Perhaps you’re interested in –“

“Listen, bub”, Charles apparently not so promising choice for a colleague made a threatening pause. “Do not. Call me. Ever again. Understood?!” And with that he hung up.

“Lovely guy”, Charles muttered before he dialled the next number. “Excuse me, Carol Danvers?”


	6. "Erik"

At the end of the day Charles had dialled all of the phone numbers and crossed more out than he originally thought he would.

Some of the potential candidates turned out to be completely normal people who had indeed a suspicious past but unfortunately no mutation.  Others didn’t wanted to be associated with their powers at all and hung up right after the words “mutant” and “school” fell. And then there were some who just never heard of how some people had special abilities and were more advanced than the rest of humanity.

To sum up, Charles had found two promising teachers that wanted to call him back.

For one there was Jean Grey and her Sub Scott Summers, who were surprisingly both mutants. Jean had been surprised and fascinated by the possibility to meet others of their kind and had almost immediately promised to talk to her partner about the job offer. She sounded friendly and reminded Charles of Moira.

Then there was a man named Azazel, who hadn’t spoken much, but apparently had experiences as a teacher. Charles didn’t know what to expect from him, but nevertheless he had invited them all to the school to get a picture of their new jobs.

Everything else would develop.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later everything was set and Jean and Scott as well as Azazel would start their new positions as teachers in a few days. Like their colleagues they had been given their own rooms and facilities, which they thankfully accepted.

Only Azazel had preferred to get a room in a hotel in the nearby town to “have a little space for himself”. Charles couldn’t blame him. Life at the school was sometimes indeed quite thrilling, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

There was only one thing which clouded Charles’ day: Lehnsherrs arrival. Today.

And as luck would have it, he would move into a room right next to Charles’ very own and it would be nearly impossible to avoid him.

Charles had tried to find Lehnsherr another one, but because of the hirement of Jean and Scott, alternatives were rare. And the only section of the building that had free rooms needed to be renovated urgently.

“Now, don’t be so grumpy”, Raven comforted him. “You’re getting a gorgeous man as neighbour, cheer up a bit!”

Chaarles forced himself to smile. He still hadn’t revealed his feelings about Lehnsherr to Raven and he definitely didn’t wanted to start now. They both stood at the main staircase of the school and were waiting for Lehnsherrs taxi to show up. As the heads of the school it was their duty to welcome him; otherwise Charles would have locked himself up into his study and devoted himself to some books.

“Yes, I’m sure, it will be fantastic”, he remarked sarcastically, even though Raven took it for honest optimism.

“See, that’s the right attitude!”

At her words, a taxi pulled into the driveway. Raven nudged Charles with her elbow to come with her as she started walking towards the car.

“And smile”, she added elated.

“Of course”, Charles answered through gritted teeth, looking straight ahead with his gaze fixed onto something other than the top that was leaving the taxi.

How could have Raven convinced him that this was a good idea?! Lehnsherr being and teaching here would be a disaster – at least for Charles. But his sister obviously didn’t agreed on that while she shook hands with Lehnsherr and greeted him with a heartfelt smile.

“Welcome to Xavier’s School of Gifted Youngsters “, Charles managed to say and wasn’t able to utter more than these few words, because as soon as he looked the other man into the eyes he wanted to go on his knees for Lehnsherr. Distressed he took a deep breath and left talking to Raven.

Maybe he should see a doctor. Maybe it was a disease that bothered Charles; there had to be a reason for his behaviour and reactions to being around tops; there had to be!

With trembling knees he waited next to Raven until she had finished small talk with Lehnsherr and led him inside the building.

 

 

A short time later there was a knock at the door of Charles’ office, who had fled into it in the hopes of winning distance to Lehnsherr.

Now he had been staring for ten minutes at the same page of the book in his hand without realising one sentence that he had read.

Instead he thought of Cerebro, Raven and Hank. His sister didn’t seemed like Lehnsherr had the same effect on her as he had on Charles, so it had to be something personal. Shortly Charles had played with the idea to introduce Hank to the new teacher, to see how the other sub would react, but immediately found it mortifying. Hank was not his lab rat for strange tops.

“Come in!”, he called, assuming it would be Jean or Scott who had questions regarding the curriculum.

Instead Lehnsherr stepped through the door. “Mr. Xavier”, he greeted Charles who looked up shocked from his book. “I wanted to thank you again for this chance. Working here means a lot to me and I hope we’ll get along.” He glanced at Charles expectantly who realized too late that he might say something.

“You’re welcome”, he replied and finally stated a “You were the best choice”. In his mind he scolded himself for it.

“I also had a few questions, if you wouldn’t mind?”

Yes. Yes, he would. Silence spread in the room.

“Sit”, Charles offered Lehnsherr resigned after an uncomfortable moment of quietness. After all, he was the headmaster of this school and it was his job to clarify things and solve problems.

“How can I help you?”

“Well, first of all I would like you to call me by my first name, since we will see each other quite often, hm?”, Lehnsherr suggested. “Erik.”

“I know.” Charles had read his job application more times than he would admit.

Lehnsherr blinked irritated and Charles became aware of what he just said. Oh God. What did Lehnsherr – Erik – no, Lehnsherr think of him now?

“And may I also know yours?”, covered the top his confusion up with a small smile. His thoughts however betrayed him and showed how startled he was really.

Charles hesitated. He didn’t wanted Erik to call him by his forename, but rejecting this gesture of politeness could make Lehnsherr angry and Charles knew better than anyone else what an angry top could mean …

After a second in which neither of them said something, they suddenly both began.

“You don’t have to-“

“Charles.” Damn his experiences.

“Charles.” Erik repeated his name and Charles hated him for the gentleness in his voice. They weren’t in a romance movie, where top and sub rode together into the sunset after dating two days and having lunch together!

But when Erik added a “What a beautiful name”, Charles knew that there was no turning back.

It would happen, of course it would. One day, even if it wasn’t now, he would beg the top to put a collar around his neck and then he’d be again in a relationship with a top that didn’t love and abused him.

And that almost brought tears to Charles’ eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, guys, I'm (finally!) back!! (I missed this fic so much, wow ...)
> 
> Again: English is not my native language, so if you find mistakes, please point them out to me and I will gladly correct them.  
> Hope you enjoyed reading!


	7. Soul diagnosis

After several questions Erik finally left the room and Charles sighed with relief.

During their conversation he had to force himself repeatedly not to look Erik into his eyes and instead lower his gaze onto the table. That had been one of Shaw’s rules: Never stare directly at a top or you might be punished.

Today, and years after Shaw, Charles had almost managed to not pay attention to such instructions, but now they inexplicably all came back again and burned themselves into Charles’ mind.

Was it an unconscious attempt of him to impress Erik using his “good manners”? If Erik would respond to them indeed, Charles would end on his knees in front of the top sooner than he imagined. No, never!

He really needed to see a doctor.

 

A little uncertain after his re-encounter with Charles, Erik joined Raven in the communal kitchen where she sat at a table while sipping tea out of an enormous orange mug and flipping idly through a magazine.

Erik had already noticed the pretty sub when he arrived, but usually he was far more interested in men. Men like Charles.

The director of this school had responded dismissive and distant to him until now and Erik wasn’t sure of the reason behind this demeanour. Had he done something wrong already, just right on his first day here? Perhaps even at his job interview?

Had he been too direct? Too persistent? Or had he read the signals wrong and Charles was actually a top, who disapproved of Eriks behaviour?

On the other hand Erik usually always knew who he was facing, whether it were subs, tops or switches. But Charles … it was a mystery. Only minutes before Erik had been able to observe how Charles’ gaze fell when he spoke, or the casual scratching at his neck. Did he normally wear a collar?

“Would you like a cup of tea?”, Raven interrupted his thoughts.

“Yes, please”, Erik answered and flashed her a smile, which she replied promptly.

As she handed him a mug with steaming tea a short while later, he decided to just ask the obvious. Maybe he could get to an answer this way; otherwise he wouldn’t get the whole thing out of his head.

“Charles isn’t exactly thrilled about my hiring, hm?”

Raven looked up from her magazine. “Why?”

Acting casually, Erik shrugged his shoulders. He shouldn’t already make possible enemies by insulting his employer.

“He seems a little … unapproachable.”

Silently Raven looked at him and closed the magazine. “That’s not your fault”, she began as she pondered her words carefully. “Charles had … he is not the kind of person who immediately trusts someone.”

Erik nodded understandingly.

Aah. Well, that certainly cleared the situation up even if it wasn’t a true explanation.

However, it seemed to be the only one Raven would give to him, because directly after she asked him about his schedule to prevent him from wanting to know more.

* * *

 

Nervously Charles played with the hem of his shirt sleeve. He had made an appointment with his doctor as long as there was still time before the start of the school year, and now sat in a small waiting room in front of the doctor’s office.

In his heart he was searching for the same feelings that overcame him when he was close to Erik - nothing.

So it _had_ to be the other mutant.

Charles breathing got faster. Could it get any worse? His fingers clenched when he thought of all the things that could happen to him as Eriks sub. Oh god, please _don’t_!

“Charles Xavier?”, a young nurse called him up.

A disease. Charles almost prayed for a disease; something that could be fixed, a clear diagnosis. But he also realized how awful this wish sounded.

 

“So what’s the matter?”, Doctor Fisher wanted to know from him while looking at him questioningly. They both knew that Charles rarely allowed examinations and only came when it was important or when he needed stronger meds for his headaches.

And he had sounded rather desperate on the phone, Charles knew himself. But he could hardly speak. The idea that Erik could be his next top was … frightening.

“It’s”, Charles paused. How could he even explain what had happened in the last few weeks, especially since exactly nothing yet _had_ happened.

Maybe he should go back. Just disappear and hope that it wouldn’t come to what he feared the most: being helpless and dependent again.

“I’m not even sure, if it’s not just my imagination”, Charles heard himself say and damn, his voice trembled. But this was Doctor Fisher, he recalled. The man who had patched him up after Shaws terrible escapades, again and again, who never touched him if Charles didn’t consent it. A sub like himself. Charles could trust him.

And then, all by itself, the words fell out of his mouth and Charles explained how he felt.

When he had finished he waited restlessly for an answer to the unspoken question.

Was there a cure? Would it go over? Was it _real?_ But who was he kidding; of course it was.

“Mr. Xavier.”

Charles leaned forward in his seat. The look on the doctor’s face was impossible to interpret.

“Mr. Xavier, what you are experiencing are definitely not symptoms of a disease.” Doctor Fisher hesitated and Charles didn’t know whether he should be relieved or not. What could it be then?

“I fear – no, I congratulate; it seems that you found your soulmate.”

Uncomprehending Charles blinked and gladly Doctor Fisher saw it as a sign to explain in more detail.

“See, a true bond between two – or more – soulmates is extremely rare and doesn’t happen often, but the signs are quite obvious and easy to find. The sub is usually overcome with an intense desire for submission, the top however, feels attracted to the sub and develops the need to protect him or her in an amazingly short time.”

Dazed Charles stared at the doctor without recognizing his surroundings. He was … _Erik was_ … no. It couldn’t be true; it couldn’t be! Of course he had heard of such strong bonds between soulmates, but that was not what he wanted, that was not his fate!

Charles could hardly breathe and his vision blurred; his throat was stinging as if he might cry.

Why not Raven or Hank or anybody else? Why _Erik_?

“Mr. Xavier, you need to breathe”, Doctor Fisher ordered him gently and bewildered Charles obeyed.


	8. Side effects

After talking do Dr Fisher for another twenty minutes Charles felt like throwing up.

Everything he learned about his condition caused him to sink further into a spiral of complete helplessness, and it only got worse when he realized that there was no way out of this situation.

He could fire Erik, but that wouldn’t change his feelings.

He could give in to other tops, but none of them would satisfy Charles’ needs and desperate longing for submission, according to his doctor.

There was absolutely nothing he could do.

“Mr. Xavier, I am sure your soulmate is by no means like your previous top.” Dr. Fisher looked at him sympathetically. Of course he spoke of Shaw.

Shaw, who had ruined his soul and broke Charles simply because he took pleasure in such activities. When Charles had understood what this man was doing to him, he’d wanted to end the relationship. At that time he’d known that not all tops were cruel. But now …

Charles had tried to leave but Shaws aura of power had held him back like an anchor … it had always ended with Charles begging his top to let him serve, that he “would be a good sub, very good, please!”

It had been sick and wrong, Charles knew this now. Still he couldn’t be sure that Erik wouldn’t demand the same submission like Shaw. No one knew how he treated his subs and Charles didn’t wanted to search in the other man’s mind for an answer, because that would mean accepting their bond while also looking for evidence that he would be reasonable top for Charles.

“Go home”, Dr Fisher advised him and Charles raised his head.

“That would be pointless”, he replied in a monotone voice. And then a little louder, because honestly, what should the doctor do about that? Whip him into unconsciousness? As if Charles had never experienced such a reaction. “You are telling me that I should return to the place where _that top_ is?!”

 The other sub held his gaze. “Charles …”

Oh great, now he was calling him by his first name.

“No! I don’t care what you say, I will never be in a relationship with a top again! Give me meds or something to suppress it, but I won’t submit to _him_ ”, Charles said through gritted teeth.

“He is your soulm-“

“No, he is not.” And Erik Lehnsherr certainly wasn’t his future top.

“All right.” Dr Fisher sighed and Charles could see the concern in his eyes. “I will give you a prescription of Ritinal, which should lessen your feelings for some time. It has some serious side effects though and you can’t take it for long.”

Charles cut him off. “But it works?”

“Yes it does.” The doctor shook his head lightly. “Maybe it would be helpful if you try to find your soulmate’s former subs and to just ask them about him. Sooner or later you will have to face him or your health will suffer from the distance.”

Wordlessly Charles waited for the prescription.

 

 

A short while later Charles arrived again at school.

Once he had left Dr Fishers office, he had driven to the nearest pharmacy to get the meds that would save him from his miserable condition. Soon after he had taken the first dose.

Now he was climbing the stairs to his office and had to clutch the stair-rail in order not to fall over. Mild dizziness caught him and the stairs seemed to sway under him. Were those already the first signs of the side effects Dr Fisher had talked about? He had mentioned how quickly the meds could work but Charles hadn’t wanted to read the package insert to know more about the risk of the pills. They were a means to an end, cost what it may.

“Charles?” Raven. Oh god, Raven!  
Hopefully his desperate grip on the stair-rail wasn’t that obvious.

“Are you okay?” Faster than expected she stood in front of him and Charles nearly winced.

“Sure. Everything is great.” She didn’t seemed convinced.

“You are very pale.”

“I am also quite fine.” Raven apparently didn’t believe him, yet stepped aside so Charles could continue walking upstairs.

“Oh, by the way”, she turned around again. “Erik finds you unwelcoming.”

… what? Had he talked to Raven? Had he talked to Raven _about Charles_?

“Why does he think that?” Charles’ voice sounded as hard as cut glass and Raven seemed to be taken aback for a short moment.

“Well, he said you were kind of doubtful towards him. Charles, are you really feeling well?”

“Yes”, he almost growled. How could he had left Raven alone with Lehnsherr? Tiny images of her, tied up, gagged, _bleeding_ , while lying at Lehnsherrs feet, flashed through his mind. Ravensstill stared at him questioningly. The first thing that he would do tomorrow was to ensure that Lehnsherr would stay away from her.

Gently he said. “It’s just headaches, you know me, Raven. The usual things.”

Worry. Curiosity. Charles could guess her thoughts without even reading them.

“You’ll talk to me if it gets worse, right?”, she wanted to make sure.

“Of course.”

Raven continued her way down. _“Charles can be such an idiot.”_

Charles would have smiled if his vision hadn’t blacked out in this very second and if his attention wasn’t occupied with things like staying on his feet and not fainting. Gloomy darkness surrounded him. He could still feel the wood of the stair-rail and sense the smell of the air, which consisted of old walls and worn carpets.

But otherwise there was nothing and Charles held his breath, trying to win back control over his body.

No, no, no. Breathe, Charles. Dr Fisher. Side effects. It wasn’t that bad.

Carefully Charles groped with his foot for the next stair thread. He would make it to his office where he would wait for this momentary blindness to fade. It was all right, it was fine, it was better than being Lehnsherrs sub.

Concentrating, Charles straightened to his full height. Everything was fine.

It took him five minutes to climb the stairs and two more to find the door to his office, but it seemed like an eternity for Charles. Without his vision he felt weak and as if he wouldn’t know where the next blow would land, if there would be one to expect.

Pure torture.

Finally Charles closed the door behind him and slumped covered in sweat against it. His vision was slowly coming back, but Charles closed his eyes nonetheless.

How could he continue to _endure all of this_? How would he trick Raven and Hank and everyone else into thinking that everything was normal? How was he supposed to _live_ now?

Charles didn’t knew the answer to any of those questions, and his anger towards Erik, towards his own dynamic as sub flared up as a single wave of emotions.

It was pointless.

Erik would only be another top with large hands and small patience.

It was pointless.

Pointless.

Charles doubled over, breathed way too fast against the floor of his office; something seemed to squeeze the air out of his lungs.

Oh so pointless, everything was his fault, no one would ever want a sub like him! He would be nothing more than a slave to Lehnsherr, no matter how hard he would try to please the top.

Being his soulmate would be Charles’ ending and not the new beginning he was longing for.


	9. Nerve-Wracking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation between Charles and Erik reveals new things about their past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm TheCreepyNovice and I'll help lettersforsale with the translation of this fic from now on, so you'll receive faster updates. I'm sure you'll notice some differences in the writing style and I'm sorry for that, but I hope you won't mind.  
> I hope you like this chapter and I'd be really glad if you leave some feedback :) Enjoy!

For Charles, the next few weeks were a delirious state of piercing headaches, sudden loss of vision and an unpleasant feeling in his stomach that told him that he desperately needed to be topped.

Charles ignored it.  
Every single day, he focused on nothing but his lessons, their preparation, supply orders and updating and improving Cerebro. He tried to avoid all tops in the school, especially Erik. When he had talked to him about Raven, it had almost ended with a complete disaster.

 

  
“Mr Lehnsherr.” Charles refused to call the top by his first name as a matter of principle. It would feel like betraying himself. “Do you have a minute?”

Lehnsherr had to. Today was Sunday and until now, he had not held a single lesson.

“Of course.”

Charles could not help but notice the wrinkles around his eyes when the top smiled.

 

_Worthless, disgusting sub._

 

“Please follow me,” he said and turned around to leave without looking at Lehnsherr again. Judging by the sound of steps behind him, it had not been necessary, after all.

After walking in silence for a few moments, they arrived at their destination: an empty classroom, that had not been used in ages, in the northern wing of the institute. Nobody would be able to find them here to disturb them, no matter what happened… and Charles was not sure what would happen.

Lehnsherr was taller and stronger than him, but if he needed to, Charles would not hesitate to use his mutation. Only if he needed to. He would do anything for Raven.

 

Carefully, Charles closed the door behind them, then he decisively stared at Lehnsherr hoping to project a threatening atmosphere.

The top seemed to be quite confused, but did not say anything and exactly that frightened Charles. He had experienced how fast a top’s mood could change when a sub said the wrong thing more often that he would have liked. But he had to do this. He would never let his sister end like he did.

 

“Stay away from Raven,” Charles snapped, tired of beating around the bush, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was almost impressed by himself and how strong and vigorous his voice sounded, considering he wanted nothing more than to drop on his knees to kiss the floor under Lehnsherr’s shoes right now. He radiated dominance like a poignant perfume.

“I beg you pardon?”

Charles dug his fingers into his tweed jacket. Dear god, _his voice._

The top did not seem angry, yet, but Charles knew how quickly that could change. His stomach felt sick. _For Raven._ He had to remember he was doing this to protect Raven.

“You know exactly what I mean. Do not meet up with her, do not talk to her, do not even look at her, do you understand?,” he snarled, not just with his voice, but also deep inside his head.  
Lehnsherr grimaced, obviously Charles’ sudden intrusion caused him pain.

“Charl-”

“And stop calling me that!”

 

Meanwhile, the top had sunk to his knees and clutched his head with both his hands, panting heavily. Charles looked down on him, unable to believe how weak this man suddenly seemed.

“Stop it,” Lehnsherr whispered in anguish and even though Charles wanted to continue to wreak havoc in that man’s head, this was an order, an order from _Erik Lehnsherr._ His soulmate.

The unpleasant feeling in Charles’ stomach spread through his entire body and he could not resist that pull any longer. Staggering, he stumbled a few steps backwards and collided with the wall, while he withdrew from Erik’s mind.

The top was still kneeling on the dusty floor and even though Charles’ limbs started to feel normal again, the certainty of punishment was looming over his head, punishment for… yes, for what exactly? For the psychic attack he had just launched on the top? For threatening him? Or simply for the entirely valid and plausible reason that he was a sub and deserved that kind of treatment?

Charles clenched his right hand to make a fist.

 

_Dirty slave._

 

No. No, he would leave now and should Lehnsherr dare to touch him, Charles would hurt him again.

 

_Submit to me, you stupid thing!_

 

Charles approached the door.

 

The cold and wet soil beneath his feet found its way through his torn shoes.

The sky was dark.

Dirty, tiled walls.

Erik could barely make out scalpels and all kinds of different blades; everything was blurred. He had suppressed the memory of this place so long ago.

A gunshot.

His scream.

His scream, showing him the true extent of his powers.

 

Erik wanted to scream now, too, wanted to express the way his heart was racing, but the memories were holding him in place, with such a cruelty that Erik’s hands started to freeze. He could feel it, it was like he was really there again. Time was irrelevant. He was trapped in this prison, in his own mind.

 

“Stop it,” he heaved, because a tiny part of his brain knew that this wasn’t real. It was just an illusion, caused by… by Charles.

His employer. A sub. His sub - no. What was he thinking?!

 

Erik’s entire mind was tearing itself apart, trying to readjust, trying to regain control to return to reality.

Very vaguely, he noticed that he was kneeling in front of Charles and how wrong that felt. This position was not acceptable for a top. Suddenly, the memories disappeared all at once and Erik could think again, breathe again, this was reality, _alles war gut_. *

 

The top wanted to grab Charles’ arm and put him over his knee to give him the spanking of his life for what he had just done to Erik. But as he raised his head and looked at the sub, everything changed.

Charles was as white as a ghost, his entire body tense and trembling and his eyes, good gracious, his eyes! They were sparkling feverishly, almost manically. Erik realized that Charles must have been not topped for a long time. Abruptly, all remaining confusion fell off and Erik was in full control of his mind again.

 

A powerful heaviness spread through his entire body. This was how it felt to dominate someone for a top - complete responsibility and protection for the sub, who in exchange surrendered to him.

And Charles looked like he desperately needed protection. His gaze was trained on the door and he was slowly approaching it, step by step. Everything about it looked painful and Erik’s instincts screamed at him to help, to put a hand on Charles’ shoulder and guide him, when suddenly something new occurred to him.

 

The sub was afraid.

Of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * alles war gut - everything was fine


	10. Duress and Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is getting worse and Erik is trying to help? But will the distraught sub let him?

Erik was familiar with the look in Charles’ eyes, he had seen it often enough in the faces of the subs kept captive in Schmidt’s labs along with him.

Desire. Lust. Fear.

Even when he was just 13 years old, Erik wanted to attack every top who dared to cause such an inner turmoil and brokenness in young subs by denying them the possibility to submit and thereby keeping them from relaxing their minds and bodies.

And now Charles was looking at him as if he was one of these children from the past and Erik was almost expecting one of the guards coming to drag them to more twisted and cruel tests.

Subdrop was what people called this condition. Erik knew about its causes and risks. It was rare, but if a sub stayed in this state for too long, it was possible to fall into a coma. And to wake up from one of those was nothing short of a miracle.

Erik had to do something, this was Charles after all, and ever since his interview Erik had pictured to himself how the sub would look on his knees in front of him. Most likely exceptionally beautiful.

Charles was still clinging to the doorknob, apparently not being able to move or let go. He was trembling all over his body and Erik could see the veins bulging in Charles’ wrist, because the other mutant was so tense.

“Calm down,” Erik addressed him gently, while he took a step towards him, hands raised reassuringly. Touching would help, he was sure of it after all those years of experience at Schmidt’s labs.

If subs were stuck in a drop, they yearned physical contact and the first available top to build a connection with.

“Calm,” Erik repeated his words with a subtle undercurrent of an order. And damn, he needed to pull himself together, because this was far too close to all the fantasies he had had about Charles. Never had he felt this attracted to a sub. It was as if Erik’s soul was bursting into flames every time he saw him.

In the meantime, Erik had made it about half the way towards Charles and he was just close enough to hear the other man gasping for breath.

Slowly, he extended an arm towards Charles’ shoulder and the powerful and familiar feeling of dominance spread through him again. Everything was going to be alright.

Charles would feel better after this. Erik was going to make him forget his fear.

And no top would ever be able to hurt him again.

 

Paralysed with fear and unable to move a single muscle, Charles could only watch as Lehnsherr rose from the ground and approached him confidently. He held his hands up, just below his head, where Charles could see them.

No, no, no! He had to get away from here,  _ right now! _ Lehnsherr seemed neither angry, nor resentful, his hands still looking very non-threatening, but Charles knew that there was nothing hindering the top from giving him a vigorous spanking.   
Would Lehnsherr use his powers?

Charles’ grip around the doorknob tightened. Rather him than Raven. If Lehnsherr needed someone to take his anger out on, it was only fair that Charles was that someone.

“Shhh, calm down,” the top whispered and Charles almost sunk to his knees right then, because Lehnsherr’s voice was as smooth as silk, melting Charles’ doubts and inhibitions.

Why did Lehnsherr have such a powerful effect on him? Was it really because Charles, because he…   
Lehnsherr’s intense gaze kept Charles from thinking clearly and caused a pleasant silence inside Charles’ mind.

Oh. Ooooooh. It felt so good - but he must not… Lehnsherr was just like Shaw,  _ he must not _ … it felt so wonderful.

Lehnsherr gently put his fingers on Charles shoulder and carefully lead him to a nearby chair… oh, he felt so good.

Lehnsherr’s fingers. On his shoulder. Leading. Him.

Suddenly, all warning bells in Charles’ head started to ring. Touching. Touching was not good, was not wonderful. It lead to pain, to misery - Charles broke away from the top and stumbled towards the door, his vision fading.

He just needed to be out of here.

He reached the doorknob faster than anticipated and Charles needed a few frantic attempts until he finally got out and ran down the stairs.

His throat was aching, the edge of his vision was slowly fading to black and his nerves felt like someone had ripped them out, cut them in half and put them back all wrong.

Lehnsherr. Goddamned asshole of a top. He almost made Charles submit to him…

Charles desperately needed a safe space where he could be alone to process this catastrophic change in his life. A few moments later he stumbled into the library, which was cold and empty.

He had spent a significant amount of time in here as a child and could find his way even though he was half blind.

He was now slowly making his way through dusty and long forgotten stacks of books and randomly bought chairs until he finally felt the worn out fabric of the old armchair he had seldom left when he was younger.

Utterly exhausted, Charles sunk down on the old upholstery and tugged his knees under his chin.

His stomach felt sick and his heart was pounding irregularly. Hot tears started to pool in the corners of his eyes and hugged his legs close to his body in distress.

And very, very quietly, in a hidden corner of his mind a voice whispered the truth he could not accept: He needed a top.

This was a subdrop. He needed someone to take care of him.

Charles stared into the empty room, but his gaze stayed empty.

He  _ needed  _ someone, but no matter who he asked, he would always elicit the same reaction, the same kind of beatings and punishments.

Disobedience was going to be punished, therefore Charles was going to be punished. So who should he ask for help? There was no one with enough patience for a broken and disappointing sub like him. And Moira… Charles didn’t deserve her sympathy.

Sobbing quietly, he dug his fingers deeper in the soft fabric of his cardigan and let his head sink against the backrest of the armchair.

He was never going to get better. Charles was convinced of that and being as preoccupied with his worries as he was, he didn’t notice the handle on the library’s door slowly being pushed down.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually managed to update after one week! Let's see if I can keep this up... I hope you liked this chapter!


	11. No-man's-land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is slowly breaking down.

“Charles? Charles, oh my god!”

Light-headed, Charles looked up and spotted Raven running towards him. Thank god, it wasn’t Lehnsherr… although… his mind got lost in the memory of the warm and kind hand touching his shoulder and the deliberate and firm voice of the top. He would have - different fingers were now grabbing Charles’ hand, and they too provided some comfort, but still… something was missing. Charles felt like someone had disassembled him into many pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle, and then failed to put him together correctly again. It was as if he wasn’t complete and his mind was a mess.

“Are you okay?”

He looked at Raven with unseeing eyes and didn’t know what to say. She had sounded so afraid.

“Is it your migraines again?,” she asked tentatively und unwittingly grabbed Charles’ hand a little tighter. “I was looking for a book, because one of kids asked me about it and I couldn’t find it downstairs in the teachers’ room, so I thought I’d try it in here and…” She gesticulated somewhat helplessly in Charles’ direction to explain the reason for her appearance.

Charles wanted to respond to her, but the words inside his head were all messed up and felt like something heavy, inevitably sinking down into the black depths on the bottom of his mind where they could never be reached again.

He couldn’t bring forth a single sound.

Raven was still looking at him and Charles recognized the lines of worry on her forehead, that only appeared in very dire circumstances. So she was aware.

Aware, that he was in a subdrop.

Aware, that he didn’t deserve a loving top who would save him.

Black and yellow eyes, now knowing his secret.

Such beautiful colours, second only to unyielding grey.

Only grey… grey… Erik… He needed Erik…

“I’m calling an ambulance, okay?,” Raven whispered and Charles wanted to explain that it would be a waste of resources. He wanted.

He wanted so many things.

Instead, he barely managed half a nod, because even though everything inside him was yearning for Erik, the memories of Shaw were constantly reminding him of what could happen like a painfully throbbing power inside his head.

The world felt so endlessly far and empty

 

* * *

 

  


“Mr. Xavier?,” an unfamiliar voice addressed him and Charles was surprised to see that his surroundings had changed completely during the last few seconds. Or had it been minutes? Hours even?

He was now in a light-flooded room with big windows. The walls were painted in a gentle shade of pink and Charles felt soft sheets under his fingers when he moved his hands.

Confused, he looked at the needle in his arm, which had not existed before, in the library.

Where was he? The sparse and impersonal furnishing suggested a hospital room, most likely on the station dealing with orientation-based emergencies, which was in charge of symptoms involving the orientation of dom or sub.

“Mr. Xavier,” the man tried again to get Charles’ attention, He seemed to be a few years older than him and was dressed casually in a soft-looking pullover and jeans. “I am your attending top, Riley Davidson,” he said with a warm smile.

Attending top? No, he didn’t need a top - only Erik, and he was absolutely out of the question.

Whichever liquid was coursing through Charles’ veins right now was merely helping with the physical effects of the subdrop, but his mind was incessantly thinking of Erik.

He must never trust him.

Davidson took Charles’ silence as a sign to continue speaking. “With your consent I’ll help you with the aftermath of the subdrop.”

Surely, he had tried to seem encouraging, but Charles knew exactly what he was implying.

Physical contact to sooth his frayed nerves. Orders and the expectation that Charles would follow them. Submission.

He couldn’t possibly do that.

“No,” he rasped. His fingers were searching for the needle in his arms. Where was Raven? He needed to talk to her and make sure that Davidson would not be able to harm him!

Davidson was currently trying to keep Charles from tearing out the needle.

“Everything will be fine.”

Charles could feel the power coming from that sentence and did his best to resist it.

“Let me go!”

And curiously, Davidson frowned, but did exactly that. Charles was sure that he had not used his mutation…

“I can’t force you to stay here, Mr. Xavier, but if you want to regain your health-”

“I’m not interested in any kind of treatment,” Chales interrupted him. Breathing heavily, he stared at the other man. “And I don’t want to continue this one either. Where is my sister?”

The top hesitated, before he finally gave in to Charles’ wish and took a step back from the bad to give Charles more freedom.

“If she was the one who arrived here with you, she should be waiting in the anteroom. Nevertheless, I have to insist that…”

“No.” Charles thought he had made that clear. Even though he was aware that he would suffer from a subdrop again if nobody topped him soon, he could not give in to Davidson. Or any other top, for that matter.

“I just wanted to make you aware that if there is another top you would feel more comfortable and safe with, that would be an appropriate treatment as well.

Charles entire body seemed to energize as if it was charged with electricity. Erik, he meant Erik.

No, he meant _someone_ like Erik.

His words were fuel to the fire burning in Charles’ chest. He wanted to get up and get away from all those propositions and possibilities, but the deep turmoil inside his body kept a tight hold of him and with every thought of Erik, more and more exhaustion was dripping into his limbs.

Subdrop, through and through.

Still, Charles forced himself to make clear once again that there was nobody he could trust with that kind of power over his mind, body and heart.

That there was nobody he could kneel in front of.

That there was nobody whose hand he wanted to feel on more than just his shoulder.

That there was nobody whose fingers would gently touch his throat while they put a collar on Charles.

“No,” Charles said bitterly. “There is nobody.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for keeping a regular schedule...  
> Guys, I can't say how sorry I am for taking so long, but my personal life is a total mess right now. I have also no idea how long it might take me to translate the next chapter, but I hope you enjoyed this one for now! Thanks for sticking around!


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